I has no plot any more! Help?!
Gah!
Posted by Rammi | Filed under Random
Tags: NaBloPoMo
Untitled Novel - Blerg. Part 1?
Posted by Rammi | Filed under NaBloPoMo, NaNoWriMo
“Blah blah blah, dead body, questionably female, blah blah blah…” the Weird CSI-type Detective Who Has No Social Skills said, before attempting to do that snappy-snappy thing with his camera.
“You’re holding the camera upside-down,” one of his coworkers (The One Who Is Slightly Scared of His Boss) quipped. It was true. He was currently trying to take a picture by pressing on the lens. Git.
“So, what do you think this could be?” The One Who Is Secretly In Love With Her Boss But Thinks That All She Has Is Unrequited Love asked. The victim, like all of them in the crappy TV shows, showed no signs of struggle, and there were no obvious causes for her death. As usual, Katharine Cirrial, the victim, looked surprisingly healthy, apart from being dead, of course.
[You can tell that the author likes watching these little crime dramas, but the terminology goes straight over her head, so her attempt at her own little crime thing here will fail miserably]
“Ooh, I’ve found a tan coat!” the Annoying Favourite of the Boss yelled from behind the bush.
“DO NOT TOUCH IT!” The Boss suddenly materialised out of nowhere, grabbing the swabs and other crap out of a seemingly nonexistent bag. As he walked over to the crime scene, no one noticed that he was technically contaminating it without wearing gloves, covers over his shoes, etc., but hey, it wasn’t real life! No one was bothered!
As the crime scene investigation people moved closer and closer to the scene of the crime, they heard music coming out of the coat again…
We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guyI just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understandNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youWe’ve know each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it
Inside we both know what’s been going on
We know the game and we’re gonna play itAnd if you ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to seeNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youGive you up. give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you upI just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understandNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
What the wannabe detectives did not know was that because the Invi Doll was not there any more, the coat was basically now just a musical tribute to Rick Astley.
[Author Note: I know I'm falling behind. I'll catch up later at the weekend]
Novelling Shall Resume Shortly
Posted by Rammi | Filed under NaBloPoMo, NaNoWriMo
It seems real life has got me carried away. No novelling for me tonight, but I shall persevere with my rather stupid plot tomorrow.
Stay tuned, for crime scene investigation shenanigans (i.e. failings) from Detective I-Haven’t-Named-Him-Yet!
Untitled Novel - Chapter 2 (Invi Doll)
Posted by Rammi | Filed under NaBloPoMo, NaNoWriMo
I didn’t mean to kill her. I didn’t, honest. I just wanted to see what it would be like to actually be near a real, live, well, previously alive, human, without actually making myself known. I just wanted to see if she would be one of those, like my previous owner, a stressed out magazine columnist, who would misunderstand me and wrap me in toilet paper before flushing me down the toilet.
I floated around in the sewage for what seemed like years before some misguided plant worker thought I would make a good Christmas tree fairy, like that seemingly innaccurate story about the wooden abandoned doll (. I wasn’t abandoned; I just annoyed the people around me so much that they did not know what else to do with me. Sadly, his family did not feel the same about me (have you ever heard of a Christmas fairy with blue hair?) and threw me out again. I do not think my circuit being broken at the word “BOOB!” helped matters either. The aforementioned family had many little victims to corrupt kids.
So, there I was, lonely and abandoned on the side of the street (woe is me), when suddenly these items of human clothing appeared out of nowhere, absolutely nowhere. I took my chance and dragged myself into the tan-coloured coat. I did not want attention. Any attention would give me false hope that someone would finally understand me and my need to say “Blue lips! Yay!” every minute of the day.
Then, this strange thing happened. The clothes suddenly started making music, and terrible music at that. The music irritated me. I could feel myself being engulfed in this coat, with no way of getting out.
The smell of the human was getting closer and closer and closer, and she seemed bewitched by the very same music that so detested me.
As I struggled harder and harder against my bonds, I could feel this human slowly reach out to grab the coat…
It all happened so fast. Sparks flew out of me, literally tasering her with my grasp, and I couldn’t seem to let go. When I had finally gathered all my strength and wrenched myself away from her iron grasp, it was too late. She was dead.
D-E-A-D. Dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. DEAD!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, O-M-G, OMG, what did I just do?
The coat began to twitch again.
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands (clap clap)
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands (clap clap)
If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. (clap clap)If you’re happy and you know it, stomp your feet (stomp stomp)
If you’re happy and you know it, stomp your feet (stomp stomp)
If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you’re happy and you know it, stomp your feet. (stomp stomp)If you’re happy and you know it, shout “Hurray!” (hoo-ray!)
If you’re happy and you know it, shout “Hurray!” (hoo-ray!)
If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you’re happy and you know it, shout “Hurray!” (hoo-ray!)If you’re happy and you know it, do all three (clap-clap, stomp-stomp, hoo-ray!)
If you’re happy and you know it, do all three (clap-clap, stomp-stomp, hoo-ray!)
If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you’re happy and you know it, do all three. (clap-clap, stomp-stomp, hoo-ray!)
It sang this over and over and over again, despite the fact that I was clearly NOT happy. What was I supposed to do? I had just killed a woman, no, girl, wait, human-type thing.I mustered the remaining Invi Doll strength and pushed her still, lifeless body away from the coat. I had to get rid of the evidence somehow.
Basically, I ran, (as fast as I can, to the middle of nowhere, to the middle of my frustrated fears and I swear…) as fast as my little legs would carry me.
“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Donec at mi eu dolor bibendum volutpat. Nulla non nibh. Etiam a lorem. Etiam ullamcorper pellentesque ipsum. Cras cursus, elit ornare pretium rutrum, dolor mauris commodo ante, quis consequat ipsum ligula at dui. Nam ut augue. Nulla facilisi. Pellentesque hendrerit tellus eget mauris. Pellentesque dapibus pede. Nunc sed ligula id tellus fringilla adipiscing. Nam tempus dignissim turpis. Donec vel urna.
Aenean est. Proin sollicitudin, purus ut molestie dictum, nibh nunc gravida quam, vel fringilla ligula elit a magna. Donec dictum lobortis ipsum. In sed urna. Donec pede pede, ullamcorper in, euismod id, tristique nec, ante. In metus odio, suscipit et, venenatis eget, hendrerit vitae, metus. Vestibulum vestibulum commodo arcu. In volutpat consequat nisi. Aliquam est tortor, volutpat at, fringilla at, volutpat id, elit. Morbi augue neque, cursus sed, porta a, commodo quis, massa. Morbi sed, sed…”, I whispered to myself, trying to control my blue hair.
GAH! What was the last word? “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Donec at mi eu dolor bibendum volutpat. Nulla non nibh. Etiam a lorem. Etiam ullamcorper pellentesque ipsum. Cras cursus, elit ornare pretium rutrum, dolor mauris commodo ante, quis consequat ipsum ligula at dui. Nam ut augue. Nulla facilisi. Pellentesque hendrerit tellus eget mauris. Pellentesque dapibus pede. Nunc sed ligula id tellus fringilla adipiscing. Nam tempus dignissim turpis. Donec vel urna.
Aenean est. Proin sollicitudin, purus ut molestie dictum, nibh nunc gravida quam, vel fringilla ligula elit a magna. Donec dictum lobortis ipsum. In sed urna. Donec pede pede, ullamcorper in, euismod id, tristique nec, ante. In metus odio, suscipit et, venenatis eget, hendrerit vitae, metus. Vestibulum vestibulum commodo arcu. In volutpat consequat nisi. Aliquam est tortor, volutpat at, fringilla at, volutpat id, elit. Morbi augue neque, cursus sed, porta a, commodo quis, massa. Morbi sed justo,” I repeated.
Then, my pea-sized brain slowly kicked in, and I began to realise that nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?
… Basically, I would have to soak my arab scarf very thoroughly in lemon juice. To do this, I would have to buy fresh lemons. Then, I would have to lay the scarf out on a table and cover it completely, and dry it with a hair dryer on the lowest setting. Why did I want to do this, I hear you ask? I was now a fugitive. The police would want to arrest me, as they knew the game and were gonna play it. In that circumstance, I would need my arab scarf soaked very thoroughly in lemon juice, to protect me from tear gas and other stuff.
I would also have to protect my identity. Stealing Mr. Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffwelchevoralternwarengewissenschaftschafe rswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifeudurch ihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvorandieerscheinenersch einenvanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraft gestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternaitigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelche gehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevonverstandigmens chlichkeitkonntefortpflanzenundsicherfeuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitn icheinfurchtvorangreifenvonandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischenternart Zeus igraum Senior’s one seemed like a great place to start. I was also considering moving to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu or Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit.
Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit seemed like the safest bet, being on the other side of the world. It was the city of angels, the great city, the residence of the Emerald Buddha, the impregnable city (of Ayutthaya) of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated God, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarn, after all.
The city of angels, the great city, the residence of the Emerald Buddha, the impregnable city (of Ayutthaya) of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated God, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarn seemed like a good place for a little doll with blue hair who had a penchant for screaming, “What’s your word count?”, “Boob!”, “How’s your plot doing?”, “Blue lips! Yay!”, “Baeae!”, “Awwwh ;_;” and “Jebus!”, that was only sold with all participating sellers and at all good toy shops, and told people to only trust sellers and shops with the original Invi Stamp! Do not accept imposters! Accept only the original.
It was also clear that I could be be dangerous to health (as shown by the dead woman, girl, or human-type thing). I would also need to be used with caution, and not allowed to get close to electronic articles which have buttons, because it could result in up to fifty thousand words of crap. I could not accept any responsibility for loss of sanity or mental health issues.
It was clear that if I did not do something fast, I would turn into a Rickroll Invi Doll, and nobody wanted that. The Rickroll Invi Doll was evil.
The Rickroll Invi Doll
While stocks last! So hurry down to the shops today!
Is equipped with five phrases:
“We’re no strangers to love”
“You wouldn’t get this from any other [Invi Doll]”
“Never gonna give you up, etc, etc”
“I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling”
“Your heart’s been aching, but you’re too shy to say it”
BONUS: “The Literal Version Of Never Gonna Give You Up”
Comes complete with tan mac, black polo neck and hair gel.
Will sing all night and dance all day, and force so many people to click links at random that she won’t remember crashing their browser.
Sold with all participating sellers and at all good toy shops. Only trust sellers and shops with the original Invi Stamp! Do not accept imposters! Accept only the original!
May be dangerous to health. Use with caution. Do not let doll get close to anything that may be turned into a meme. May result in being forced to sing the song for all eternity. You have been warned.
Yeah, like I said, I did not want to turn into THAT.
Untitled Novel - Chapter 1 (Katharine Cirrial)
Posted by Rammi | Filed under NaBloPoMo, NaNoWriMo
Comments: Johan Yugen, James A Woods,
For the next month, I’ll be writing my NaNo novel on here, thereby killing two birds with one stone. I’m putting myself through NaBloPoMo again this month, so I’m determined to write every day for that.
Here goes…
We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guyI just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understandNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youWe’ve know each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it
Inside we both know what’s been going on
We know the game and we’re gonna play itAnd if you ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to seeNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt yougive you up. give you up
give you up, give you up
never gonna give
never gonna give, give you up
never gonna give
never gonna give, five you upI just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understandNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Katharine Cirrial was woken to the sound of this melody floating through her window. “What could this be?” she asked herself. Slowly she rose, grabbing her mudkip plushie off the floor.
As she made her way downstairs, she managed to trip over a salad finger. “Leave ME alone!” She began to cry.
She made her way into the kitchen, where various family members were sitting, eating cheeseburgers. “O hai there,” they greeted one another.
Eventually, she realised that there were no more cheeseburgers left for her. She whimpered, and cried, “I can haz cheeseburger?” Her sister, who had grabbed the last cheeseburger, bit into hers and eyed it with disgust. “DO NOT WANT!” she screamed, chucking the plate towards Katharine Cirrial.
“WANT!” Katharine Cirrial smiled happily, before nom nom nomming it all up.
After nom nom nomming her cheeseburger, she got up, and announced to her family, “I iz leaving nao.” Most of them didn’t look up, and only muttered, “Yeah, whatever. Kthxbaii ~~”
Katharine Cirrial grabbed her umbrella-ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh (under my umbrella-ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh, ooh, baby, it’s raining, raining…) and ran out of the house, where it was pouring with chocolate rain.
Chocolate Rain
Some stay dry and others feel the pain
Chocolate Rain
A baby born will die before the sinChocolate Rain
The school books say it can’t be here again
Chocolate Rain
The prisons make you wonder where it wentChocolate Rain
Build a tent and say the world is dry
Chocolate Rain
Zoom the camera out and see the lieChocolate Rain
Forecast to be falling yesterday
Chocolate Rain
Only in the past is what they sayChocolate Rain
Raised your neighborhood insurance rates
Chocolate Rain
Makes us happy ‘livin in a gateChocolate Rain
Made me cross the street the other day
Chocolate Rain
Made you turn your head the other way(Chorus)
Chocolate Rain
History quickly crashing through your veins
Chocolate Rain
Using you to fall back down again
[Repeat]Chocolate Rain
Seldom mentioned on the radio
Chocolate Rain
Its the fear your leaders call controlChocolate Rain
Worse than swearing worse than calling names
Chocolate Rain
Say it publicly and you’re insaneChocolate Rain
No one wants to hear about it now
Chocolate Rain
Wish real hard it goes away somehowChocolate Rain
Makes the best of friends begin to fight
Chocolate Rain
But did they know each other in the light?Chocolate Rain
Every February washed away
Chocolate Rain
Stays behind as colors celebrateChocolate Rain
The same crime has a higher price to pay
chocolate Rain
The judge and jury swear it’s not the face(Chorus)
Chocolate Rain
Dirty secrets of economy
Chocolate Rain
Turns that body into GDP
Chocolate Rain
The bell curve blames the baby’s DNA
Chocolate Rain
But test scores are how much the parents makeChocolate Rain
‘Flippin cars in France the other night
Chocolate Rain
Cleans the sewers out beneath Mumbai
Chocolate Rain
‘Cross the world and back its all the same
Chocolate Rain
Angels cry and shake their heads in shameChocolate Rain
Lifts the ark of paradise in sin
Chocolate Rain
Which part do you think you’re ‘livin in?Chocolate Rain
More than ‘marchin more than passing law
Chocolate Rain
Remake how we got to where we are
Whilst trying not to step in chocolate rain puddles, she managed to lose her mudkip in a grate. Although she tried very very very very hard to get it back, she was surprised by Joe the Plumber, who was like, “All ur base are belong to me now. I like mudkips. Do you like mudkips?”
“I like mudkips,” she whispered, but it was too late. He had already disappeared with her mudkip.
As she had failed to rescue her mudkip, she ran off, howling in the wind. “No one ken to ken to sivmen
nor yon clees toju maliveh, when I gez aju zavateh na nalechoo more, new yonooz tonigh molinigh, yon sorra shooo, yes ee shooo, ooo, Ken leeeee, tulibu dibu douchoo, Ken leeeee, tulibu dibu douchoo, Ken leeeee, ken lee meju more” she cried to herself.
Suddenly, she came across this tan mac, and this black polo neck that had been lying randomly on the floor. What could this be? As she moved closer, the melody that had woken her up earlier seemed to be getting louder and louder and louder and louder.
We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guyI just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understandNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youWe’ve know each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it
Inside we both know what’s been going on
We know the game and we’re gonna play itAnd if you ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to seeNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt yougive you up. give you up
give you up, give you up
never gonna give
never gonna give, give you up
never gonna give
never gonna give, five you upI just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understandNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youNever gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
The sound of Never Gonna Give You Up was irresistable. She longed to try on the black polo neck and the tan mac… As she reached out to touch it (bring it back, pay it, watch it, leave it, stop, format it), a very very very strong electric charge flew out of the black polo neck and tan mac, engulfing her.
It’s a shame her last words were, “Don’t tase me, bro!”
Glomp.me
Posted by Rammi | Filed under Internet, Website
glomp.me, a domain I bought a few months ago and left to rot, is having a revival. A bunch of talented developers, artists, designers (and procrastinating half-arsed coders like me) are having a discussion on what to do with it. Oh, and we like to plurk.
So, what do you want to see on glomp.me? Join in the discussion on taser.glomp.me (yes the subdomain idea was entirely my fault).
Tags: glomp.me
Hello, and goodbye, NaBloPoMo!
Posted by Rammi | Filed under NaBloPoMo
NaBloPoMo - the pain in my butt for September. After not blogging for 3 years, NaBloPoMo has finally taught me that blogging when you don’t know what to blog about is a bad idea, as is posting at almost midnight when you’re tired and don’t know what to write. Additionally, the Wordpress iPhone app is rather dodgy at the moment, crashes at random intervals, and rarely saves my posts.
I may try this whole NaBloPoMo thing again when November comes, but for now, I need October to not think about blogging every single day.
Goodbye (and good riddance), NaBloPoMo. You’ve really taught me a lot, but I have way too much going on in my life to keep daily blogging as a regular thing. Plurk’s karma system is high-maintenance enough, without adding this into the mix.
There was a post here…
Posted by Rammi | Filed under Random
Comments: Luci,
… But my Wordpress iPhone app eated it. Meh, this is just to show that I didn’t fail NaBloPoMo.
7thSyndikate = Cold War Modern at the V&A
Posted by Rammi | Filed under Internet
Many people have probably posted about this already, but I’m stating the obvious here. The whole 7thSyndikate thing was a ruse for a new exhibition at the V&A. Hmmm, quite clever, really. I mean, if I had received an invitation to go to the V&A, I probably would have shrugged it off, to be honest. I shall have a proper blog post up at the weekend, but for now… If you didn’t know, now you do. The jackal watches from the watchtower… Or something like that, anyway.
Over and out.
Late Night Posting
Posted by Rammi | Filed under NaBloPoMo
It’s taken me, ooh, 23 days to realise that blogging at 11-something PM isn’t one of my best ideas. I tend to forget what I’ve written, and I don’t make much sense at this time either. Meh, one more week, and my NaBloPoMo challenge will be completed, and these spammy blog posts will be completed. Anyway, like being drunk, I probably won’t remember writing this post in the morning.
